Dad Jokes Or Bad Jokes?

I feel like most of us have heard the term, “dad jokes” before. Well if you haven’t I’ll kind of sum it for you real quick. Pretty much it’s a joke that is so corny, oblivious, or dumb that, that is the only reason why it’s funny. These kinds of jokes are synonymously referred to as Dad jokes because us Dads apparently lack sensible humor.

To be honest I have been ahead of the game for a while because my jokes haves never been funny, and always seemed like I got them off the back of a popsicle stick. (Sometimes I actually did)

Ever since I was young I would be the one to be blabbing out nonsensical jokes, to find out I was the only only laughing or I wouldn’t even get the punchline out because I was hysterically laughing at the joke before I could tell everyone else. 

I new at a very young age that my career as a professional comedian would not flourish. 

I found some dad jokes for you guys as I surfed the net, so take a peek and have some laughs.

  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
  • How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  • Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable. 
  • I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
  • Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  • How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
  • Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
  • What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
  • Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  • Ill call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
  • What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
  • Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it. 
  • What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
  • Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  • What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
  • I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
  • The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  • Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
  • This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  • Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
  • 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
  • Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
  • What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
  • I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
  • To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.
  • The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  • I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
  • What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  • I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
  • Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
  • A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
  • I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  • Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
  • I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
  • What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
  • What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y
  • A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here
  • Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton
  • Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!”
  • Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!”
  • “Me: ‘Hey, I was thinking…
’ My dad: ‘I thought I smelled something burning.'”
  • “How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
  • Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’
Advertisements

Leave a Reply